The biggest sin of all.

I don't like Maths. It's as simple as that. And yes, it's because of my lack of interest that i don't put my full heart into studying this subject, but i've also never been good with numbers. This is another simple fact. Please spare me your lecture of practice makes perfect because contrary to popular belief, i DO try to improve myself at Maths but my strength just does not lie in numbers, and that's the way it is.

I am struggling right now in my Calculus class, or at least starting to. It is hard without Poh Lian by my side and Mel behind me, but i am thankful that my college friends are just as generous at lending a helping hand as my high school friends were. It's not the same though. I can't quite explain how or why, but it just isn't. I am no longer envious of those who excel in this subject, but i still feel like my life would be easier if i were to be as good as them because currently, all i'm worried about is having to repeat Calculus I next semester, which seems to be a likely reality for me.

My dad says that i am closed-minded, but i strongly disagree. Just because i know where my strengths and weaknesses lie does not mean that i am closed minded. I'm just self aware, and i am aware that my self is not a Maths person. I wish i could tell him this, i wish he would understand but unfortunately, it might just lead to arguments and i'm getting tired of being called narrow so i'll just let my results do the talking. It's gotten to the point where i almost feel like deliberately failing these papers just to show him that i am right but i won't go that far. Being the me that i am, i'll probably go through the struggle just to keep him happy.

Maths makes me tired in my head and in my heart.

Edit: Unless something changes, i would like to say that a lot of my posts will probably have the same tone as this one and i would like to apologize in advance if you might find them to be a bit boring but to be frank, there is almost always one thing occupying my mind and troubling me nowadays, and that is how trapped i feel in having to live out someone else's dreams.